It is hard to imagine that anyone in this country has not been touched by divorce in one way or another.
Divorce, the most visible sign of a culture in collapse, has become
easy in our society.
Nearly two-thirds of today's marriages will end in
divorce or separation. Forty-five percent of all first marriages end in
divorce. [Dwight Hervey Small, The Right to Remarry,
1975] Of these divorces, seventy-five percent of the divorced women
remarry while eighty-three percent of the men do. [Florence W.
Kaslow & Lita Linzer Schwartz, The Dynamics of Divorce: A Life Cycle
Perspective, 1987] The figures for second marriages are even more
discouraging. Fifty-five percent of these end in divorce [Small, 1986].
Sadly, divorce is not just a
non-Christian problem. Pollster George Barna discovered that born-again
Christians actually have a higher rate of divorce (27 percent) than
nonbelievers (23 percent). Fundamentalists top them all (30 percent). And
87 percent divorced after accepting Christ, presumably aware of the biblical
teaching on divorce [Chuck Colson, "Any Ol' World View Won't
Do," Jubilee Extra, May 1996].
Why such a high
rate of divorce?
For many today, divorce seems a relatively simple
solution to a complex problem, a cheap way to escape from a troublesome
marriage. Prior to the divorce reforms of the 1970s, most divorces were based
upon the ground of "fault." Generally one of the spouses had to be
guilty of some act of unfaithfulness or misbehavior, such as adultery. More
recently this has given way to "no-fault" divorces.
Prior to
no-fault, "traditional legal marriage was grounded in the Christian conception
of marriage as a sacrament, a holy union between a man and a women, a
commitment to join together "to love and cherish, in sickness and in health,
for better, for worse, until death do us part."
[Marriage] is the most solemn and important of human transactions. It is regarded by all Christian nations as the basis of civilzed society, of sound morals, and of the domestic affections...The mutual comfort and happiness of the parties are the principal, but not the only, objects of the [marriage]. It is intended also for the benefit of their common offspring, and is an important element in the moral order, security and tranquility of civilized society. The parties cannot dissolve the contract, as they can others, by mutual consent, and no light or trivial causes should be suffered to effect its recision... according to the experience of the most enlightened nations, the happiness of married life greatly depends on its indissolubility. [Sheffield v. Sheffield, 3 Tex. 79, 85-86 (Tex. Sup. Ct. 1848)].
Writes Lenora Weitzman in her book The Divorce Revolution. "Divorce laws reinforced those responsibilites, rewarding spouses who fulfilled thir marital obligations and punishing those who did not." If a man ran off with his secretary, his wife got the family home, child custody, child support, and alimony until she remarried or died. No-fault's goal was to reduce the acrimony of divorce proceedings by eliminating arguments over who was most at fault. But in abolishing "the concept of fault, it also eliminated the framework of guilt, innocence and ... the law's condemnation of marital misconduct," Weitzman says.
These "convenience" divorces have both weakened the institution of marriage and undermined the lifelong commitment that God ordained for marriage. The result has been a soaring rise in divorce rates that is destroying the middle class. Divorce rates have soared from 706,000 in 1970 to 1,169,000 in 1995.
What the Bible says
about divorce.
Regardless of what you or I may think about divorce or
whether its socially acceptable or not, you must understand what God thinks
about divorce:
"... I hate divorce, says the LORD, the God of Israel ..." [Malachi 2:16]
Pretty simple, huh? That shouldn't be too difficult to interpret.
But man still often has problems with it. Throughout time, man has
attempted to make God's law say what he wants at the time.
Jesus addressed this specific issue of man's interpretation of the laws concerning divorce in Luke 16:16ff
The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until
John. Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached,
and everyone is forcing his way into it. It is easier for heaven and
earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law.
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits
adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. [Luke
16:16-18]
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked," Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied," that at the beginning the Creator' made them male and female,' and said,' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one' flesh' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.""Why then," they asked," did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied,"Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."The disciples said to him," If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." - Matthew 19:3-12
Jesus answered the Pharasees by correcting them and stating that the original intent was not to have divorce, but, because of the sinfulness of man, divorce was a concession. He reminds them of Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." - Genesis 1:27,28
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. - Genesis 2:24
Jesus focuses on God's intent for marriage rather than on divorce. God intended for the husband and wife to be spiritually one. This Divine intent is what makes a marriage permanent because the two become a single unity. He pointed out that Scripture intended marriage to be permanent and gave four reasons for the importance of marriage:
- God created man and woman.
- Man should leave his father and mother, and be forever united to his wife.
- The two shall become one - no longer two, but one.
- No man may divorce what God has joined together.
Marriage is a
covenant.
Not only a covenant between the man and woman but a
covenant with God. Maybe you got married too young and maybe God had nothing to
do with the selection of the person. Once you made that commitment, that
covenant, God recognizes it as a covenant no matter who you married (1 Cor.
7:10-17).
In today's society, a fad that's in the church as much as it
is in the world is to not take the marriage covenant as seriously as we once
did.
Today, if a Christian wants a divorce, they twist the scriptures
to fit their desire or they hear a prophecy, or a voice that says, "God doesn't
want you to suffer anymore." They try to justify their decision to others
because they KNOW they're guilty. These fine Christian people, ministers,
pastors, prophets, and evangelists come up with all sorts of wild ideas why
it's okay to divorce. But, there truly are few good reasons to divorce.
Is it okay to
divorce my spouse since God didn't put us together in the first
place?
Your answer is in 1 Cor. 7:13:
"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
It may not be God's perfect will, being married to an unbeliever, but God still recognizes the covenant.
Is it okay to
divorce my spouse if they are abusive?
This reason has become
increasingly popular today. Surely it can't be God's will for me to stay with a
person who beats me up two or three times a week. God doesn't want his temple
being beat up, but it's not grounds for divorce. It is grounds for separation.
You'd be a fool to stay in that situation. But, you separate yourself and give
yourself to fasting and prayer, asking God to intervene in the situation
bringing reconcilliation to your marriage.
Is it okay to
divorce my spouse if they commit adultery?
In my opionion, this is
the only reason given in Scripture as grounds for divorce. The exception of
"marital unfaithfulness" [Gk porneia] is not in the parallel passages
Mark 10:11-12 or Luke 16:18. Perhaps Matthew included it because he was writing
to the Jews where there was a dispute between the schools of Shammai and Hillel
over the interpretation of "something indecent" (Deut. 24:1). The Shammai
school held that "something indecent" meant "marital unfaithfulness." The
Hillel school held that it included anything that becomes displeasing to the
man. Apparently there were those who believed in granting a divorce in the case
where a husband discovered premarital unchastity after the marriage had taken
place, and this would appear to be what Jesus was addressing in the Matthew
passage. The passage in Matthew seems to help clear up this dispute, seemingly
siding with the Shammai interpretation, thus making "marital unfaithfulness" as
the only allowable cause for divorce. In the case of premarital unchastity, the
couple should remain together.
If your spouse leaves you and commits
the act of adultery against you, then you're free to divorce them (Matt. 5:32;
19:9). In Old Testament law, the offending parties in adultery would both be
put to death (Lev. 20:10; Dt. 22:22), thus leaving the innocent party free to
remarry (Rom. 7:2; 1Cor. 7:39). Under the New Covenant, the sin of adultery is
not diminished, but the penalties or results are redefined in light of grace
and the innocent party has a proper right to end the marrage by divorce and is
free to remarry another believer.
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife,
except for marital unfaithfulness [sexual immorality], causes her to become an
adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. -
Matthew 5:32
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for
marital unfaithfulness [sexual immorality], and marries another woman commits
adultery." - Matthew 19:9
This doesn't mean that you immediately get out of the marriage. Just
upon the act of adultery, you shouldn't rush to the divorce court. Your first
act should be, "... if someone is caught in a sin, you
who are spiritual should restore him gently (Gal. 6:1). In 1 Cor.
7:10-11, Paul writes, "A wife must not separate from
her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled
to her husband."
If they refuse to restore and continue in
the act of adultery, then you have every right to divorce.
Is it okay to
divorce my unbelieving spouse if they desert me and want a
divorce?
This does seem to be a second possible allowable case for
divorce. You need to be careful here though. 1 Cor. 7:15 says,
"But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
I say to be careful here because alot of people get this verse
wrong.
Let's assume for the sake of this discussion the guy is the
believer and the girl is the unbeliever. Let's say the guy is a real creep. He
is such a creep this woman finally gives up and says, "I am not living with you
anymore." To justify himself, he goes to 1 Cor. 7:15 where it says, "let him do
so." But friends, that's not the spirit of this verse.
Let's say, for
example, both people in this marriage were unbelievers when you got married.
Later, the guy becomes a believer in Christ, and now is living for God. If this
woman says, "You choose God or me," you're going to choose God, right? Well if
the unbeliever wishes to depart, they cannot live with you because of your
Christian walk, there's nothing you can do. You would not be under bondage. You
would not be condemned to a sin by God.
If the unbeliever wants to
depart from you because you are rotten, you are no good, you don't work, you
don't provide and you just mistreat her all day, you are not released. You
can't just say, "Well I just release her." You better be praying that she comes
back, or he comes back, because it's your sinfulness that drove that person
away.
This verse is talking about a believer because of faith in
Christ and devotion to God, they find themselves in this situation. It's not an
excuse for selfishness. If she wants to depart from you because you became a
Christian, you've got to choose between her and Jesus. You choose Jesus, you
lose her, and you're not under bondage in those cases.
Keep in mind,
too, that this verse doesn't apply to when a believer is the one divorcing
their mate. In this case, prayer and fasting should be the response, praying
that God would restore the marriage. If, however, the mate departs and then
remarries, then you're free. In their act of marrying someone else they have
committed adultery against you.
If you're a believer in the Lord Jesus
Christ and find yourself in a divorce situation with a believing spouse, don't
lie to yourself and say, "Well they're really an unbeliever" or "I can't put up
with this abuse". What you need to do is to fast, pray, and to possibly
separate because you're going to make a horrible decision in the middle of that
mess. What you need is to get focused on God and get his directions, rather
than to stay and fight and argue.
The purpose of the separation is for
reconciliation. The purpose of fasting and prayer is to find out what your part
of the problem is, to say, "God, how can I change?", even if they're the one
that's doing wrong. If you're responding wrongly to their wrong, now you're
wrong too.
What the Bible says about remarriage.
He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and
marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her
husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." - Mark
10:11-12
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for
marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who
marries the divorced woman commits adultery. - Matthew 5:32
I tell you
that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and
marries another woman commits adultery." - Matthew 19:9
What are biblical
grounds for remarriage?
The Bible does give you permission to
remarry in a few situations. If your spouse committed adultery against you, you
can divorce and remarry (see discussion above). If your unbelieving spouse
deserted you, even if they don't remarry, you can remarry (1Cor. 7:12-16). Or
if you're a widow or a widower the Bible says you can remarry. If you remarry
in another situation, regardless of the cultural acceptance of it, you commit
adultery.
What's the remedy
for the sin of adultery?
It's the same as for any other sin.
Adultery is not the unforgivable sin. If you've made a mistake, don't defend
your action, ask for God's forgiveness! Ask God to forgive and cleanse you.
He'll forgive the sin of adultery just like He'll forgive any other sin,
whether it be lying, murder, or any other sin that we could ever commit. You
might think that God can't forgive you because you can't make it right. Well,
if you murdered someone and they're dead in the grave, how do you make that
right? God will forgive you if you ask Him.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. - 1 John 1:8-10
The
Restoration of Christian Marriage
Courtship After Marriage
More important than marrying
the right person is being the right person.
